Surviving the Holidays
Ah, the holidays post-divorce. It’s a magical time when you are forced to embrace your "new normal," which often looks nothing like a Norman Rockwell painting. If your first solo holiday season is anything like mine was, you may be in for a treat—and possibly a few structural repairs.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Check for Leaks
The universe has a spectacular sense of timing. The kids were having Thanksgiving with their dad and their dad’s new girlfriend. And if that wasn’t bad enough, things got worse. Not only did the heat pump decide to take a holiday of its own and stop working (leaving my house a brisk 50 degrees), but the kitchen sink decided to join in the fun and spring a leak. Did I mention I had bronchitis?
I was shoving beach towels under the sink, shivering in my pajamas, and questioning every life choice that led me to this moment.
What’s my point? Be prepared for the unexpected. Have a good plumber on speed dial, invest in a space heater or two (or three), and hopefully you got the beach towels in the divorce. Also, wine helps. A lot.
Attitude of Gratitude
It’s hard when your kids are off creating new memories with the ex and their new romantic partner. I envisioned them all laughing around a perfectly set table, while I was battling a leaky kitchen sink and hypothermia.
I wallowed in 'what ifs' and 'why me's' for a while, then called my best friend. She talked me through the evening—we laughed, we cried, and she was there for me. That’s when I realized how important my friendships were about to become.
When the kids came to my house the next day, I was proud of myself for surviving the first of many holidays that weren’t what I’d call joyous. This one sucked, but it was over. And my job was to be the best me I could be when they returned.
New Traditions: Out with the turkey, in with the lobster
The post-divorce holidays are all about making new traditions that are entirely about you and your children when they are with you. Here are a few ideas:
The "Me" Day: When the kids are gone, plan something selfish. Eat food your ex hated, listen to music your ex couldn’t stand, watch bad reality TV… It can be glorious if you do it right. Or, even better, do something for others. Volunteer at a food bank, take a dessert to a neighbor… Whenever I’m feeling down, I know that helping someone else will make me feel better.
The Re-Do: Celebrate the "actual" holiday the day the kids are with you. For years after the divorce, I made the traditional meal & we celebrated on the day BEFORE Thanksgiving. It took a while to realize that I didn’t need to have turkey and stuffing (& six other side dishes) with my kids to enjoy the holiday. They just wanted me to be in a good mood.
Embrace Help: Don't be afraid to lean on your friends. They may be your chosen family at times like these. Host a “Friends-giving” dinner. A few years ago, my friend & I celebrated the holiday with lobsters & wine (lots of wine). Just two divorced friends making the best of the holiday. He screwed up the potatoes, and I messed up an appetizer, & that’s what made it memorable. We laughed, cried, and celebrated that we had each other. To this day, it’s one of my favorite holiday memories.
Navigating the holidays post-divorce won't always be easy, and sometimes !there will be literal leaks and cold spells. But remember that tough times build resilience. This new chapter is yours to write, even if the first few pages start with you paying a plumber’s holiday rate. Hang in there, you’ve got this!
Reach out if you’re interested in learning more tips and tricks for surviving the holidays post-divorce.