Dating with Health Issues Pertaining to Sex
1. Size doesn’t matter– but timing does
If you’ve decided to be upfront with your partner about concerns you have about your performance, the timing is crucial. It’s important to have a conversation with your partner well before a situation becomes intimate. Choose the right moment, after you have established an emotional connection but before intimacy progresses significantly. You know, like before you find yourselves in her bed. Pick a time when you’re able to talk openly about the benefits and struggles that come about in a physical relationship. Be positive and upbeat; this should not be embarrassing or feel like a confession. Please know this is so common after 50, you’re not alone, and there’s a good chance she may have some concerns about her own performance. When you bring up the conversation, she’ll probably be relieved that you’re able to be open and communicative. Yay, you!
2. Honesty is (usually) the best policy
You have the option of taking the little blue pill on the down-low, but you’re missing out on an opportunity to show some vulnerability. My suggestion, when it’s appropriate, is to be upfront about how things are working “down there”. Women our age are looking for companionship, emotional connection, and a physical relationship of some sort–but we’re open to what that looks like. Physical intimacy can take many forms. We want to work together to navigate any issues–yours and ours. Talk about intimacy (we love intimacy), not just sex. Talk about what you see as options for pleasuring each other.. Ask for her feedback on what you’ve shared. Ask her if she has any issues or concerns about a physical relationship that she’d like to share. Then listen! Show her that you are confident and able to have difficult conversations.
3. Don’t be hard-on yourself. (No Pun Intended)
At this stage of life, erectile issues are common. We don’t care–so don’t think negatively about what’s going on for you. While penetrative sex can be a great part of a relationship, it isn’t the be-all, end-all. Believe me! Some of the best orgasms that women describe happened without their partner having an erection. Focus on the great qualities you bring to a relationship—emotional depth, humor, companionship, and shared interests. An intelligent, interesting, and confident man is attractive regardless of any physical limitations.
4. Pressure can wreck everything!
Performance anxiety can make things worse. So don’t go there! Focusing on shared pleasure can help reduce anxiety and deepen intimacy (we love intimacy!). Spend time mutually pleasuring each other. Later-in-life sex is an opportunity to discover what feels good for both of you in a slower, more deliberate way. Relax and focus on touch and closeness, rather than the pressures to perform.
I know it’s difficult to start these conversations, which is why I’m interested in helping make them as easy as possible. Reach out if you’d like to hear how I’ve helped men like you successfully address this topic with confidence.